It's not just you… we all have our moments

It's not just you… we all have our moments

Tuesday, December 3, 2013

Mortifying Moments w/ The Parental Units

We've all had them - still frames of life with our parents that make us want to curl up in a little ball and die.  Whether it's them embarrassing us, or just being caught in a super awkward situation we have the misfortune of sharing with them, this shit happens.  Hell, I declared I how much I love butt sex in front of my dad.  My adult life has been a goddamn shame spiral in front of my parents:

  • The aforementioned butt sex incident.
  • That family trip to the movies to see Boogie Nights
Dirk Diggler's Junk
  • Weddings: 
    • Telling my dad I'd found a new ride home with Tim or Joe or Dan or whoever the fuck looked good on the dance floor.
    • The time I passed out in the gravel parking lot with my dress above my head at the wedding of my parents best friend's daughter.  
  • Getting caught with my pants down (literally) drunk fucking my ride home from the bar in his car parked in front of my house.  Their bedroom window faces the street.  Also, my bare ass hit the horn a few times. 
  • The time I was laid up in the hospital for three days while I was treated for toxic shock syndrome.  Over my brother's college graduation weekend.  So the WHOLE family was in town.   They came to visit.
    • Also, that was the first time I was informed by a medical professional I might have a drinking problem. 
  • (This blog…)
The list could go on, ad infinitum.
The point is, I'm not the only one who who experiences these moments of character degradation, as evidenced by the following text a favorite girlfriend of mine sent me over the Holiday:

I immediately feel better about myself.  And less alone.  In fact, I think this would be a good topic to expand on.  We should make this a thing.  Send me some mortifying moments you've had with your Toads.  I'll post anonymously.

Email to:, or comment below.  Or Tweet me.