It's not just you… we all have our moments

It's not just you… we all have our moments

Friday, January 10, 2014

Kids: The Ultimate Cock Block


This appeared in my Facebook inbox.  My comments are in (italics.)
  • Conversation started Thursday
  • "Mr. X" 

    I have advice (amazed I continued reading after such strong language) and a new story for you. One day you or your partner may have kids. (Gonna go with partner. Planned Parenthood has seen fit I remain childless.) This brings up two problems: (Only two?)

    (1) 6 year-olds like to look in things, (not something I'll have to worry about after I ship the kids off to boarding school) and 

    (2) one day you will have a teenage babysitter over so you can enjoy a night out for 3-4 hours. (Please note: 30 or so minutes of bliss has yielded a max playtime of 3-4 hours, tops. Enjoy that.)

    When you realize both of these are going to happen, you will need to take the day off of work - the entire day - to go through every nook and cranny of the house where you've hidden the dildos, vibrators, plugs, ropes, leather cuffs, ball gags, and lube. (Kill yourself. But sounds like you used to have a pretty fun life.) Yes, lube. For each hiding spot you have you will find lube. So far we have found 8 bottles in 8 different locations today. (The lube informs a few things, mainly that the person you're fucking is obviously NOT a teenage babysitter.)
  • "Mr. X" (cont.)

    Moral of the story, to take 3 hours off, it will cost you:
    -$30.00 for sitter (for a cheap ass sitter)
    -$100.00 for dinner (and a cheap ass dinner)
    -$300 (varies) for having to take the day off so your child doesn't accidentally catch you "dildo-handed," (They're gonna have to learn about the birds and the bees sooner or later,) or run the risk of your sitter freaking out when she discovers some butt-plugs hidden between the couch cushions. (Ass on the couch, beads in the ass Totally makes sense why that would be a hiding spot.)


    MY TAKEAWAY: While I appreciate the "advice," Mr. X, the only thing I think I've learned here is don't have kids. Problem solved.