Funny, because I've never tried to return anything to any dude in my life. My knee-jerk reaction is to see how much money I can make off selling his remains. Then my philanthropic side begs for attention and urges me to donate the rest to my local Goodwill, but I usually just end up feeling sorry for the homeless sap that gets strapped with wearing an extra-medium hot pink polo shirt drenched in bad karma… for example.
I guess what I'm saying is that when it's over, it's over. As my BFF says:
When the past calls, send it to voicemail. It has nothing new to say.
If you live by this rule, you can chalk your ex up to a loss, he (or whoever) can do the same in regards to their shirts, and you can avoid blatantly hypocritical condescension from douchey ex-boyfriends.