It's not just you… we all have our moments

It's not just you… we all have our moments

Friday, February 7, 2014

My Resume Looks Like The AIDS Quilt

Got the following text from my mom not too long ago.  Seems the topic of my past employment has become a game to my parents.  So happy I can be such an amusement.


Before I dive into this, a couple things:

-  "lust" most certainly played a part in my departure from a few jobs, as I found multiple opportunities to fish off the company pier.

-  I should point out that trying to name all of my jobs occupied the length of time it took for the server to input my parent's order into the POS station, fire it back to the kitchen, cook the meal, and carry it back out to them.  Let's call it twenty minutes?  I'd like to play a game called, "What the fuck would my parents talk to each other about if they didn't have kids," but that seems like another blog post entirely.

Anyway - yes - I have had a job or two… or twenty-two.  If I had a square of patchwork for every job I've held (or tried to hold) down, I'd have a blanket that would rival the color and diversity of the AIDS Quilt.  It's science.

So here it is; a brief introduction to Kristin's past employment:

1)  JW Bentley.  I was 15 years old, and obtained a work permit so I could dust.  The California public school system was already failing me.

2)  Baskin Robbins.  16 and not eating, so aside from social networking (i.e. doing whip-its in the walk-in freezer with friends), this job was pointless.

3)  Noah's Bagels. 17 years-old, and my first exposure to Judaism.  At the end of every shift, I left smelling like proofed dough, lox and chubs.

4)  Chili's, 18.  Fired for lack of "Sizzle Service."

5)  Restaurant Pascal, Newport Beach.  I was 19, and learned more Spanish at this French Restaurant than I did in four years of studying Spanish in high school.  Also, face-raped by a 31 year-old wine rep with abnormally long nose hairs.

6)  Duke's, HB.  Where I landed for a brief second after quitting Pascal immediately after having my face assaulted by nose hair.  I quit Duke's when they wouldn't let me cocktail serve cuz I was "underage."  Squares.

7)  WCT.  Golf company. 20 - 21?  My life was a train-wreck at the time - I was supporting an alcoholic boyfriend, committing check fraud, and was surrounded by girls my age who were already on their second kid.
*Highlight: my boss flew me in his puddle jumper (very La Bamba) to Catalina for lunch one day.

8)  Chevy's - 20's.  This is about the time things start getting blurry.  Back home and living with my toads… had to quit after my relationship with a co-worker went south… literally and figuratively.  There may even have been the threat of a lawsuit… against me.  Can we say "big misunderstanding?"  Sheesh.

9)  Wholesaler in Oakland - 20's.  Sounds like drug dealing?  I wish.  Would have been much more lucrative and exciting.  Also, I coulda used the street cred.

10)  Receptionist:  Female Fertility Clinic - 20's.  I know all there is to know about subcutaneous injections.  Also discovered I am not a desirable candidate for egg donation.

11)  Receptionist:  Hair Salon - 20's.  Fired after calling in sick (drunk) from an airplane as we sat on the runway… in Vegas.  I had 20 minutes before I had to be at work.

12)  Bartender (Amber Bistro) - 20's.  This worked out for a variety of reasons:  the bar manager was good in the sac, I got to drink on the job, I could walk to work, and (with the aid of a certain white powder) I held the record for scoring the most amount of limes in under a minute!

13 - 16)  Server/ Bartender (Forbes, Esin, Stomp, Peasant - twice!) - 20's.  Disaster.  All of it.

17)  TRACKMAGIC - 20's.  "Proud" owner/operator of a racing go-kart manufacturing company.  Also my introduction to Hell.

18)  Event Coordinator - 20's.  I thought I would try my hand at party planning.  Turns out I'm not nearly as type-A as I thought, nor do I give two shits about table linens.

19 - 20)  Sales - 20's.  Nothing as sexy as selling Yellow Page ads in an Internet era.  May as well have been training for the Alcoholism Olympics.
*Fun Fact:  an inappropriate and short-lived office romance ushered in my early departure from #20.  But honestly, if it wasn't for the bad sex, I would have launched myself off the roof our office building out of sheer boredom.

21 - 22)  Diablo Magazine/ Eucalyptus Magazine (Defunct) - my attempt at freelance writing.  Contributed such Pulitzer pieces as "Where To Get Your French Fashion Fix" and "How To Start A Community Garden."  Two-week Jury Duty was the highlight of my tenure as a magazine writer.

*Not accounted for are the handful of acting jobs I collected like stamps, or rare coins.

-- GOT SOBER -- I'm not going to say the above is what drinking looks like, but it's what my drinking looked like.  The following is what my life looks like now.  I like to call it "purpose driven."

1)  Script Coverage.  Now we're cookin' with gas, although I learned a depressing lesson that a writer's hard work, blood, sweat and tears had to pass the likes of people such as myself - people totally unqualified to criticize any body of work - or, worse yet, film students.

2)  Wolf Films, PA to Exec Assistant.  Been in LA a little over three years, been on the show here for over two years, without incident.  Not only that, I've even been promoted.  Also, I exchanged the word "job" for "career."

*Maybe a few more acting jobs, because I like to play make-believe, and it's just fun.

Here's my point:  We all arrive at our destination, on our own time.  How it looks is a small matter compared to the impact it has on shaping our resilience and point of view.  I have a breadth of experience to draw inspiration from; a million stories to laugh about over coffee with friends.  I've lived my life in color.  How could I have done it any better or differently?  It has been exactly what it needed to be.

AIDS Memorial Quilt, Washington D.C.