It's not just you… we all have our moments

It's not just you… we all have our moments

Wednesday, February 19, 2014

A Bloody Mess

This story is once removed, but I'll have you know it's credible.  It's rightful owner is a friend of mine who told me yesterday (so the details are fresh in my head), and on the heels of Valentine's Day, I feel like this little anecdote is too romantic not to exploit, er… share.

Engagements are a beautiful and exciting milestone in one's life (if you consider a public declaration of surrender a feat of accomplishment).  I wouldn't know, because up until recently, I was the kind of girl you took home to dad, not mom.  In other words, proposal's weren't exactly falling at my feet.

Quick side story, the best friend of one of my exes once told me that when "Seth" and I broke up, he made it a point to rebound with the most boring girl he could find… and then he married her.  Yeah, that's what I did to guys - put them through the wringer until lackluster looked brilliant.

Now, there are multiple ways you can go with the proposal: pop the question to a long-time love who feels like part of the family, or fall in love so hot and fast you don't want to spend another moment single - so you get engaged in a month.  When you know, you know… right?  Like my favorite line in When Harry Met Sally says: "…when you realize you want to spend the rest of your life with somebody, you want the rest of your life to start as soon as possible."  I get it.

My point is, sometimes the engagement comes before you have the opportunity to meet your soon-to-be in-laws.  By then, the pressure is really on, cuz you're playing for keeps.  This "simple" meeting of your two worlds better not collide, because if they do, it's gonna be a looooooong life.  This is where we pick up with my friend's story: on the eve of introducing his fiancé to his mother.

The poor girl was already nervous about meeting her future mother-in-law… I mean, c'mon… we all know the stereotypes, what if this ol' bitty was a monster?  Miss. Fiancé may have had the ring, but she still had to make a good impression on dear old mom… the paperwork hadn't been signed yet!  It was already a strike against her that she and Mr. Man were living in sin, and had been for a while… at least long enough to get a dog.  So, in anticipation of "Betty's" arrival, the least she could do was clean the house from head to toe.

Their spotless home was met by Betty's approval, and after some light chit-chat over a cocktail (to bevel the edges), the trio decided it was safe to take the meet-and-greet out to dinner.

The evening was a smashing success, and it seemed all that worry was for nothing.  Miss. Fiancé chalked up the majority of her paranoia to her cycle… after all, it was "that time of the month."  The three were having such a lovely time getting acquainted, they invited mom back to the house for some coffee and dessert without the slightest inclination that lurking in the dark shadows of the immediate future, a disaster of epic proportions was patiently waiting for them.

For those of you with a dog (and a girlfriend - if you're not a female dog owner), you know that the only thing they love more than the crotch of a dirty pair of panties is a trashcan filled with feminine products, and in regards to the latter, the last thing you should do during "that time of the month" is haphazardly leave your dog unattended.  Also, there's nothing like the wrath of a dog who's pissed you left him alone.

The evening went from great success to Holy terror with the turn of a key.  In less than a second, laughter turned to gasps of horror as they were met with an entire living room covered in bloody cotton, and a dog, hiding shamefully under the couch.

Photo from Notes From A Nerdling blog
God only knows how this couple made it to the alter after that, but they did.  Just goes to show that true love can withstand a lot of bloody challenges, I guess?  And they kept the dog!

People are weirdos.