It's not just you… we all have our moments

It's not just you… we all have our moments

Friday, February 21, 2014

Boozy Floozy

Since retiring my drinking arm and surrounding myself with like-minded individuals, I've heard a lot of war stories.  I can particularly relate to tales of lasciviousness told by 'ol battle axes who used to call themselves "cougars" - women whose prayers now sound something like this:

Dear God,
I know I'm only supposed to pray for things I need, and not just things I want…
But I really need a husband, so that I leave everyone else's alone.

This type of behavior is not exclusive to me.  There's like, a club of women who possess this same character defect, and those women are called prostitutes.  (The others are called alcoholics).

I guess, looking back, there were signs…

Dad didn't make it to a lot of recitals...
So I guess I'm not really surprised that turned into this:

I think the obvious thing here is that I was just an innocent girl, looking for some good old-fashioned fun, and 90% of the time, that fun ended up looking like:

Which, in turn, left me feeling a lot like this the next morning:

There's really no discernible moral of the story, however I would like to offer my deepest condolences to the following individuals:
  • My parents - God knows you tried your best.
  • My brother - many of your friends were inconsequential casualties of my beastliness.  
  • My current boyfriend - there's no reason you should know any of this.
  • girlfriends… just in general (for the record, I NEVER hooked up with anyone's husband).  
  • Anyone who stepped in the way of me and my dance with the Devil.
  • My friends - for standing by my side through all my inappropriate behavior.