Fucking Selfies

http://www.nedmartin.org/v3/amused/the-day-einstein-feared

I think we can all agree that selfies (check out Selfies at Funerals) are fucking ridiculous.  I'd contend that social media has become a wrecking ball to common sense and proper manners, but that supposes society had any in the first place.  It's a debate within itself to suppose I ever did, anyway, so I'll stay away from a Pot/Kettle situation.  But I think it's safe to say that a rapidly evolving media platform more easily accessible than pizza delivery has fostered a heightened level of self-awareness, and has ushered in an age of shameless self-promotion.  To this, I am a guilty party, but I'm in the middle of pointing fingers right now, so we're not going to talk about me.

A couple weeks ago, I was sitting poolside at the Mondrian hotel in Miami, trying to cover my fading spray tan with a real one.  (My attempts were futile, as I'm on the whiter side of being Irish.)  So there I was, looking like Michael Jackson, when I noticed her noticing herself through the lens of her iPhone, trying to get the perfect shot.

This went on for OVER HALF AN HOUR.  Making kissie faces, posing with sunglasses, without sunglasses, pool in background, hotel in background, hair sweeping down across her face, seducing herself, cracking herself up… SO MANY CHOICES!  While on public display.  She was a one-woman show, and I had a front row seat.

Maybe I was bitter?  Jealous of her perfectly glowing skin while I sat with self-imposed Vitiligo.  Regardless, she was fucking ridiculous.  So I took a picture.  There's was no way she would notice, she was too self-involved.  And what the fuck?  I even decided to post it, because I'm a whore for anything I think will get me a few laughs, and with her sunglasses on and phone blocking the other half of her face, who would recognize her!?

Brazil.  That's who.  Fucking Brazil recognized her.  Apparently she's Patricia Bonaldi, the crowned jewel of design down there.  Even Gisele Smugface Bundchen loves her.

At first I didn't believe it.  So I did a bit of fact checking, and sure as shit, there on her Instagram page, was THE selfie.  And all I could think to myself was: really?  THIS is the shot you went with?

Patricia Bonaldi, Instagram

Whatever.  I'm not feeling sorry for, or apologizing to a chick that got over 14,000 "likes" for this.

That Einstein was a real smarty pants.

Also, I'm an asshole.