2014

Photo by Yemista.com

January 1, 2014

Hump day.

Bla bla bla bla bla.  Rose parade.  Bla bla bla.  Football.  Bla bla bla bla.  Eating.  Bla bla bla bla bla bla bla bla.  Resolution to diet will start tomorrow, because these Bowl games deserve nachos.  Blabitty bla bla.  No one is reading this right now anyway.

But on the off chance someone is, here's an anecdote:

My brother works at a Super Market in seafood. He brings a level of expertise and working knowledge of fishy things from his personal life.  This is to say, his experiences are of benefit to the customer.  So when John Doe from the meat dept. inquired as to whether or not seafood sold "crab juice," naturally, my brother did not hesitate to direct his co-worker to pharmacy.

His market doesn't have a pharmacy.

What my brother didn't anticipate was the customer standing right next to the meat packer, which he discovered upon shifting his attention from the tuna he was preoccupied stabbing to the co-worker making the inquiry.  The woman was not amused.

Happy New Year.

Semantics

“You’re ridiculous.”

Somewhat of a compliment but more over something I’ve been accused of many times in my life, usually preceded by, “How inappropriate,” followed by the inevitable, “You’re ridiculous.”

Ridiculous is an adjective that means deserving or arousing ridicule; extremely silly or unreasonable - but it has also come to symbolize the inane.  Or just things that are plain lame, as in stupid.  Not handicapped.  That would be insensitive.

So, let’s take a closer look at what, exactly, “ridiculous” is.

For example, Ridiculous is:

• Giving someone Lotto tickets as a gift.  That’s on par with handing someone a wrapped box of disappointment.
• Peeing in the backyard. (I’m looking at you, Dad).
• Charging any amount of money for checked airline luggage over 50 lbs. 
• As my BFF pointed out: why is it fair a 250 lb. dude is allotted a 50 lb. bag when she weighs 125 lbs. less than he does, but has the same weight limit on her bag?  It stands to reason she should get the courtesy of a bag that weighs up to 175 lbs. before she’s charged a $50 penalty.  But alas this logic regarded her the unsolicited opinion of being “ridiculous” by an eavesdropping bathroom patron.  Stick to your bowel movement, sweetheart.
• Road cyclists and their desire to be both moving vehicle AND pedestrian are ridiculous.
• This blog.
• Customer service (More of a joke).
• Retail.
• The restaurant industry.
• The entertainment industry.
• The Kardashians.
• My inclusion of the Kardashians on this list.
• “The fact that my period has not come yet.” (As echoed by a number of close girlfriends).
• Adult onesies.
• How amazingly AWESOME The Neverending Story is. 
  
• Also, RAD.
• Dog strollers.

• Self-importance.
• Facebook.
• Shia LaBeouf.
• Every show on TLC.
• And VH-1.
• Just, stop watching “reality” and go live it.
• Movember.
• Hipsters.

http://sunny-x-ray.deviantart.com/art/Hipsters-252527039

• My dating life.
• Stufz: America’s Stuffed Burger.
• DateACougar.com
• The TSA screening process.
• Notes process.
• New Years Resolutions.
• Diets.
• When Artax dies.
• Dog shows.

Photo courtesy of NY Times

• The soundtrack to Flash Gordon by Queen.
• Plastic surgery (my grandmother’s face lift was a really confusing time for me).
• Justin Bieber’s retirement. 
• America's obscene and misguided obsession with all things gleuten free. (Thanks for the reminder, Leigh!)

I could go on and on.  Which, I guess, is kind of the point of this blog.  So on this NYE, I will take time to reflect on all the ridiculous memories and material afforded me by 2013 with gratitude, and assume my crash position in preparation for 2014. 

Happy New Year’s Eve all!